✈️ Episode 2: The Great Plane Stand-Up Debate…

✈️ Episode 2: The Great Plane Stand Up Debate.

There are two types of people in this world:

1. Those who stay seated until the doors open and or everyone else has got off.

2. Those who spring up the second the seatbelt sign goes ding… their phones have usually rang at least twice by then.

If you’re in row 30, standing early is a bit like starting your camping stove while still in the driveway, some may say, optimistic, but ultimately pointless. The doors are shut, the jet bridge isn’t even in place, and the person in row 5 is currently rummaging for their coat, snack wrappers, and dignity. You’re not going anywhere.

Of course, the stand-uppers will tell you it’s about blood circulation, about “being ready.” Maybe they read somewhere that it saves precious seconds. But really, unless you’re Usain Bolt sprinting to a connecting gate, you’re just auditioning for the role of “human hatstand.”

What makes it worse? The overhead bin ballet.

People seven rows forward reaching back into row 12. Jackets being shrugged on as if there’s a catwalk. Bags swung like medieval flails. If you’re sat there calmly with just a backpack under the seat (my go-to these days), you watch the whole thing like a gladiator match you didn’t buy tickets for… bonus..?

I sometimes think we should disembark like we cook when camping: orderly, one step at a time, no wasted movements. The Helinox chair doesn’t fold itself up in a frenzy; the Trangia doesn’t boil water faster just because you glare at it. Why should planes be different? Well, why should anything be any different… am I too grumpy..? Am I coming off grumpy..?

But here’s the kicker: the real bottleneck isn’t you, or me, or even row thirty. It’s always the person in row two who decides now is the moment to reorganise their carry on… which you’re also wondering, how is that carry on..? Meanwhile, the rest of us stand there, two hundred strong, like pilgrims waiting to enter the promised land.

I generally find myself somewhere in the middle… not of the plane, but the scenario… I’ll stand up, mainly to make sure all my gadgets are back in the bag, but I do this at the right sort of time and I peter out into the flowing masses, dodging the odd bag being pulled from an overhead bin… of course…

So, stand early, stand late, either way, we’re all still stuck behind row two’s overhead baggage Tetris championship, but, maybe it’s not about when you stand, but how gracefully you accept that we all leave the plane at the same speed… Slowly.